In the end what happened?
On September 19, 2019, in the Park of Facebook’s Silicon Valley Headquarters, Mr.Chen jumped down from the fourth floor (the highest floor) and ended his 38 -year-old life, leaving the endless pain of children waiting to be fed.
This incident also hurt me.This tragedy has caused great response in the United States and China, and it has also triggered a lot of discussions.
Before writing this article, I searched many related reports on the Internet.I selected some here to make a summary of most views:
Whether the above comments are true, I can’t confirm it.However, it is not difficult to see that the pressure of work, the pressure of the visa, and the PIP may be the last straw that overwhelms the camel.These stress, confusion, and even fear may be an important promoter to promote this tragedy.
But I also thought that life was alive, and the situation was high or low.In the life of a person, it is inevitable that you will encounter negativeness, such as frustration, fear, disappointment, etc., and even pessimistic emotions.Some people can become more frustrated and brave, but some people are helpless in the face of pressure.
- So how can we not get forward because of these negative factors?
- In the face of these negative emotions, what capabilities can support us to successfully get out of trouble?
- As parents and me, if you help children cultivate this ability to deal with external interference factors?
Today, I want to analyze these issues from the perspective of family education, and figure out how to give our children a correct value and sense of belonging from the family education.Nietzsche once said,
Those who know why they live can survive.
Nietzsche
In other words, Light Sheng may stem from the lack of a sense of value.
The sense of value comes from love
Personal value needs to pass love in order to be perceived Essence
Last year, there was a movie called “A Street Cat & Nbsp; Named Bob”, which moved a lot of people and talked about a redeemed by a addictive tramp James by a stray cat Bob.In the first half of James, because of family rupture and lack of love, it was used to splash on the streets.However, the emergence of stray cat BOB gave James the feeling of long-lost.
This feeling of being needed is love.Because of “love”, James is willing to pay for BOB, and he will use the only money to buy burgers in his pocket to treat BOB for leg injuries.Bob’s feedback to James is the endless waiting, so that James also felt love while giving love, thereby finding the value of self and the meaning of living well.
There is never a lack of love around our children.Parents ‘love, teacher’s love, ancestors’ love, etc.However, they may not feel love.For this reason, I read a book called “Feeling Love” by Jeanne Segal.Jeanne said,
Our life is around two emotions every day, one is love and the other is fear.Once we can’t feel love, we will be operated by fear and do excessive behavior.
Jeanne segal
The expression of love in our Orientals will be relatively implicitly, which makes love more difficult to feel.I guess here that if Mr.Chen is being manipulated by pressure, confusion, and even fear of emotions, if you can echo “Mom and Dad loves you”, “husband, you are the best”, “Dad, you are really”Bang” these loved voices may be different.
I do not doubt our parents’ love for children.We are even willing to sacrifice everything for children.However, most of our parents may lack a reasonable expression of love.
How to make children often feel love?
Love must say loudly EssenceOnly when you say it can the other party feel accurately.
Here I talk about a small episode.A few days ago, I wrote an article full of affection, named called “Family Education Reflection of Family Education in the Window: Two real instances are like Ming Mirror Fantastic Provinces.” I couldn’t wait to show it to my wife.The naughty asked her to praise me.She took a long time and came to a sentence, “Yes, it’s okay to write”.At my strong request, her expression of love was still so subtle.Of course, my values are enough for me to appreciate my wife’s implicit love for me.However, if she can give me a little exaggeration, the satisfaction in my heart will be stronger.
Love is a certainty Essence
In the process of educating their children, some parents will get used to turning love into a kind of pressure, to whip the children to work hard and dominate the destiny.Therefore, parents will pay more attention to their children’s achievements and ignore their true love for their children.
When your child is returning home, you may not be able to ask the child’s test results today, but you may ignore what the child eats at noon and whether there is full.For children, the kind of love from the heart is what children really need.
You love him just because he is your child, Not because he won the first place, won the championship, or the piano test was easy to pass.Your love for him is a kind of “unconditional love”, but “unconditional love” does not mean “doting”.We will discuss this topic in detail in subsequent articles.
Psychologist Alfred Alder said,
There are only two most important things for children before the age of fifteen, that is, the establishment of a sense of belonging and value.
Alfred Alder
How to cultivate a sense of value?
The value of children comes from their parents’ input and uninterrupted affirmation of their continuous love.
Many of our parents ignored this during education.We believe that the filial sons are used under sticks, and we are used to giving children humiliation (cracking down, criticism, and abuse) to allow children to get the motivation to get forward.
This often leads to a lack of value when the children grow up, so that the child becomes mediocre.Even if you finally enter a prestigious university, you may have a sense of value instability.Such education may make the value of children too utilitarian.However, “utilitarian” is a very unstable thing.Once the utilitarian is affected by external factors, this attached value is easy to lose.
Jean Nelson emphasizes that parents need unconditional love for their children in “Positive Discipline”.The so-called unconditional is that we love them just because they are our children, not just because they have achieved results, but not adding any utilitarian to love. Unconditional love is given, and it is also a certainty.It is a nutritional that children cultivate self-love and confidence.Once the children cultivate enough self-confidence, they will slowly have the standard of judging affairs.This is a sense of value.
How to cultivate a sense of belonging?
A sense of belonging is an important factor that supports human emotions. The sense of belonging is that no matter what I am, honor, disgrace or poverty, there is always a harbor waiting for you to rely on.
If Mr.Chen is on the way to extremes, there can be such a harbor in his heart, and he may not take the final step.Alfred Alder said,
Human nature is inferiority.We have a strong sense of insecurity.We are afraid of losing value or our value cannot be felt.
Alfred Alder
This kind of insecurity is strong to a certain extent.At this time, we need the unconditional existence of the “harbor”.This harbor is the unconditional love of parents.Just as Hiksuyawa Hirohara said in “Living Good”,
Love is to accept the most authentic him.
Hikarihara Hirohara
Viktor Emil Frankl said in the book “The Meaning of Life”,
It is not hope but meaning to make people live.
Victor Emir Frankle
Alfred Adler also said in “Inferiority and Excellence”,
The true meaning of life is that it can be shared by everyone and accepted by others.
Alfred Adler
So we can only achieve our true value of life only by dedicating our lives to society to help others.
Hyatsu Hyatsu, a centen old man, said,
The great man is the person who can spend time for others.
Hikarihara Hirohara
We do not require everyone to become a great man, but as long as we can attach our personal values to some social attributes, I firmly believe that this value will be more stable and meaningful.
I have lost my life today.I feel that my life is bland and I ca n’t find excitement, but since I tried to learn psychology, philosophy, and parenting related knowledge to help my children and my friends around me, I found that I found that I found thatLife is so beautiful.
I secretly decided to care for my body, lose weight, eat a healthy diet, so that there are more time and better state to help more people and live the meaning of life.
At the end
Please silently sorrow for Mr.Chen and his family for a minute.The end of young life often makes good heartache.The deceased has been stunned.Mr.Chen is late, we all have to live well.I hope that my feelings can cause everyone’s thoughts on family education, don’t let tragedy repeat.