I was studying with Ethan and Michael this afternoon.Ethan read a particularly interesting story and couldn’t wait to share it with me.When Ethan read halfway, Michael began to intervene and told me his story, and then they quarreled.
At this time, Ethan said loudly in Chinese, “Shut up, you fool”, and then Michael also returned a sentence “You stupid”.EssenceEssenceEssence
What?What I was shocked was not that they intervened and quarreled, but that they would scold people in Chinese.Instinct drove me to ask where did the word Ethan “shut up”?The two of them said in unison: “You speak shut up to mom once.”
I said a word for a while because I believe that Zeng Jin’s moment may really say such a word that disrespects his wife.At this time, I was a little confused.Should I use their rights to deny my fault, or should I bravely admit errors in front of my child?
After a bit of pause, I still chose to be a humble father, and I did not argue for my fault.I first acknowledged my mistake.I should not be emotionally out of control.I want to be forgiven by them and my mother.Then I turned back and continued to deal with Ethan curse and Michael intervene.
In the whole incident, we handled very smoothly and did not have much out of control.I acknowledged my mistakes and lost my personal “face”, but the children did not disrespect me because of this.The children did not refuse to pay for my mistake because of my fault.
Here is a very realistic problem worthy of our thoughts, that is, when children point out the problems on our parents, what kind of reasonable way should we take?
Some people may be more willing to use their authority to refuse to admit, finding reason to obscure or transfer the topic to maintain their parents’ dignity.
But at this moment, I chose to be a humble father to admit my imperfections.
1.There are no perfect parents in the world
The author of “Living Good” Mika Hirohara.At the age of 105, when asked about tomorrow’s plan, the old man’s answer was “continuing to explore unknown self.”An old man who has been full of wind and frost has to continue to improve himself for more than a century, not to mention young people in the early thirties?
As the saying goes, there is no gold, no one.Being a mother and father, we must have a lot of things that do not understand, we need to learn:
- We may know how to give children full love, but we may not know what is unconditional love;
- We may believe that the filial sons are out under the stick, criticizing and accusing the children from improving, but we do not necessarily know how to control emotions reasonably, so as not to hurt the children’s sense of belonging;
- We may know that coaxing children is happy, but we may not know the nature of happiness;
- We may know the harm of electronic products, but we don’t necessarily know why people are easily addictive.
In short, we are not perfect, and we often make mistakes.Regardless of whether we admit it or not, we are not perfect in the minds of children.
An anxious parents often hang on their mouths, “I province for saving frugality, and for this family for this family.What can I do?”If you feel that you have paid too much, maybe because we work hard?
2.Equality is a bridge of communication, admitting that your imperfection
I have asked Ethan today, “Do you mind that Dad often makes mistakes?” He said: “That’ s OK.I usually make profes too.We can be friend.“
Therefore, we can maintain equality with children only with the courage to admit our imperfections.Equality and mutual respect are a bond to the child’s mind.
Most of a “perfect” parent and a child who always make mistakes is to yield, resist, and love each other, rather than you have me, and you have your heart.
Equality is a bridge of communication.Only when we lower our figures and respect our children from the heart, they will give up resistance and listen to our opinions willingly.
Alfred Adler said in the book “Inferiority and Beyond”, saying that
Resistance is human instinct.
Alfred Adler
Resistance is because we are afraid of the lack of personal value.Imagine that if their parents have never made mistakes in the eyes of their children, they always do wrong, so how disappointing them will be?
What children are afraid of not making mistakes, they are afraid that they are different from others.
Ethan is very sensitive.Before he did one wrong thing, even if he lost the game, even if we did not criticize him, he would be particularly lost and said that he was a loser.My first processing method was to reprimand and preach, and ordered him to be a strong child who was brave and faced with the wrong child.However, the result was to make him more lost and collapsed.
Later, I tried to take the wrong result with him, telling him that Dad had done similar wrong things before, but his emotions were easier to calm down.In turn, I asked me how to deal with it?In this way, I not only calmed down his emotions, but also discussed the solution with him.
Later I found out through reading, this is Exchang Essence
Therefore, we need to admit our imperfections and show the children a real parent, so as to walk into the hearts of the children by communicating with each other and meet them with them.
3..The best education is that parents grow together with their children
I advocate admitting that my imperfection is not to help the children find the reason for doing wrong, so as to “happy” with the children.
I think as a parent, we have to face our deficiencies correctly.Just like the book “Lifetime Growth” said,
We must maintain growth thinking and make up for our imperfections through our own continuous learning.
“Lifetime Growth”
Recommended reading: “Growth-type thinking: Emphasize” “still exaggerate” smart “”
We only believe that we can change through hard work to face the wrong past more rationally.
I am very grateful to the children’s changes to me.They are the motivation for giving me growth, and let me read a lot of good books that affect my life.I really got my own happiness from it.At the same time, I took the help of helping children as a very happy thing, not a burden.I will choose related books for my own shortcomings.
In the process of interacting with children, I think my method and method are unscientific, so I carefully studied Jean Nelson’s “Positive Discipline”, and then I learned to learn Good and firm,, Unconditional love but boundary Essence
I don’t know what kind of person should I cultivate my child, so I studied “The Meaning of Living Life”, “Infute and Excellent”, “Leono Da Vinci”, “Legend of Einstein”, “Silicon Valley Iron Man”, “Method of Happiness”, etc.
I see Happiness is a happy relationship with others.The significance of life lies in dedication.Only by allowing children to learn to help others and build personal value on the basis of contributing to society can they get true happiness Essence
In order to make Ethan and Michael willingly stay away from electronic products, I read “Game Change the World” and “Can’t Stop”.I see What is behavioral addiction, Familiar with the principle of affecting the behavior of children’s behavior, and then I used a more targeted method to successfully change their dependence on electronic products;
At the same time, I also read books such as “Feeling Love”, “Anti -Flikers”, “Fierce”, “You Are the Best toy of Children” and so on.Let me learn Complex exchanges, freedom is the soil of children’s growth.It should allow children to learn to have a happy relationship with uncertainty. Essence
Through constant learning, I found that I not only helped the children better, but I also grew up.I understand a lot of the truth that has always been confused, and the relationship between my wife and my wife has also improved.
Now I will often actively praise my wife.When my wife “disciplined me, I also learned good and firm.She used to call me to scrape my beard, and she would say that you can see your beard and pull it.It is too ugly, and now he will say that she will say that if you think that you scrape off the beard in time, it will look more energetic.
In the face of my wife’s complaints, I was easy to impatient.I always felt that she did a lot of questions.Now I will listen more patiently and understand her inner feelings with empathy, because I know that it is not emotional that affects her behavior.Inside the pressure, I will be willing to bear these pressures with her.
In this way, our husband and wife’s life has eased a lot, a lot of quarrels, and a lot of laughter.
so, Learning is a win-win situation Children are also happy to see our changes.Only when we change ourselves first can children grow with us.
4.4..Parent’s example
It is better than saying that we are a role model for children to learn from the horse who drives the horse to run.
I especially like the book “Lifetime Growth” because it tells me A person’s knowledge, ability, and wisdom are not fixed.We can all through the efforts of the day after tomorrow. You can change and improve through “Residents”.
I am very happy that Ethan and Michael can accept this Philosophy, and through the continuous efforts of the day after tomorrow to realize my transcendence.However, can we also use this standard to restrain ourselves?
My consistent principle is that I will not force children to do what I can’t do.Imagine a scene, the mother turned on the computer and watched the soap opera.The father took the mobile phone to brush the video, and then the two stopped the children from playing games and doing homework.What do children think?What they felt was oppression and yielding, and it was estimated that 10 million “Unfair” would be said in their hearts.
In order to convince children not to play electronic products, I deleted all the games on the mobile phone in front of them.I still remember that when I was going to delete the last game, Ethan strongly asked me not to delete it, because he also knew the power of the example.Once I did it, he had to do it.
Self-discipline comes from strong self-esteem EssenceThe power of the example is to indicate the direction to the other party, so that they can know that walking in this direction, and they can definitely find the light.Only when we take on the role of the example, the children will feel that “Nothing Too Bad Will Happen as Parent Are There” EssenceThis is a sense of security and confidence.
Ma Yun once said that if a marriage is maintained by responsibility, it is estimated that it will last long.I think we can also extend this sentence to the relationship with children.If we only rely on responsibility to get along with the children, the result is definitely not as expected.
We need to feel the happiness in the process of getting along with our children, and grow up side by side and grow together.As the father of two boys (7 -year-old Michael and 9 -year-old Ethan), I now enjoy the role of a father very much, and get along with the children more and more harmonious.They also let me discover a lot of shortcomings on my body, and let me review myself and explore myself.
5.Write at the end
Parents are children’s mirrors and examples.
From today, let’s be a humble parent, admitting the imperfections in our body, and improving our ability through continuous learning to establish a role model for parents.
Let’s grow up and grow together with children.
Parent’s smart series articles
- The wisdom of parents (1) Family education reflection on family education of the window break
- The wisdom of parents (2) humility, admitting their imperfections
- The wisdom of parents (3) Game addiction is not the child’s fault
- The wisdom of parents (4) Unconditional love is dedicated to my mother
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