I often hear educational experts talk about parents’ parents “Effective companionship”“Parents are the best teachers” and other discussions on children’s education.Everyone will nod frequently, but may not understand it because these discussions are only “how”, but it is not given “why”.
Books shared with you today “Thirty Million Words: & Nbsp;Building a child ’s brain“ The reason for comprehensively analyzes the reason, emphasizes the importance of talking with children, especially when the child is young, the communication between parents and children is more important.
The author is an American doctor.The book mainly explains the number and quality of the parents’ conversation with their children directly determine the development of children’s thinking, behavior, and ability.“starting line” In fact, the time and quality of the parents talk to their children.Children will have differences in various aspects such as thinking, intelligence, and emotional intelligence in nine months.
Why are there many parents who have no way to watch TV and play mobile phones in a large number? This book gives the answer.The Chinese translation of this book is called “Parent’s language” Here we will share with you the importance of your parents’ conversation for children’s growth.
1.The importance of dialogue between parents and children
First look at a set of data: For 13-36 months, the number of sentences heard each hour: statistics:
- For brain workers’ families: near 500 sentences/h
- For workers’ families: about 300 sentences/h
- For families who enjoy relief: less than 200 sentences/h
Vocabulary statistics that three-year -old children have mastered:
- For brain workers’ families: more than 1,000 words
- For families who enjoy relief: more than 500 words
The communication between parents and children directly affects their children’s vocabulary, and at the same time determines the children’s self-control, emotional intelligence, IQ, thinking, etc.
The child is a copy of the parents 95%of the children’s vocabulary comes from their parents.My eldest son, Jayden, is seven years old, and often comes out of “Prototype”, “” Entrepreneur “,” Marketing “, it is estimated that this is related to these things at home every day.Moreover, he seems to have bad problems on me.The influence of parents’ influence on their children is indeed dazzling and subtle.
I felt that I resigned from the school three years ago, and the decision of entrepreneurship and cultivating children seemed to be right.When the child was young, the child and I lived in the two places.There was rarely the opportunity to give the child “effective companionship”, let alone “effective dialogue”.Now resigning from college faculty, there is a chance to have more and more quality “effective dialogues” with children, and feel that the child has improved significantly.
2.How to communicate with children?
Parents can try to master the following 4T principle The
- Follow (empathy (TUNE IN): Just what people often say Effective companionship When you accompany your child, you need to follow the child’s attention, observe the child’s behavior and interest change, understand the child’s behavior, and effectively give response and feedback.
- Full communication (full communication (TAlk more): Fully tell the children what happened around the child, explain the world for the child, and create the connection between the child and the world.When talking, try to use pronouns as little as possible.For example, you might tell your children, “Should you look at this”, “this” is a pronoun, can you use “you should read this book” instead.
- Turnive conversation (TAKE TURNS): Do not speak to children in the language of the command, and use “cause and effect” to talk to children.What is cause and effect?It refers to the result of the cause and effect of the parents who try to use causality as much as possible to the child.For example, if you don’t want your child to modify a wire, you may say “not to get the wires”, or you can explain to the child, “If you touch the wires, it will not be safe.If you are hit by electricity, you will be in danger.”The latter is based on cause and effect, the former is a 100%command.
- Turn off mobile phone TV (TURN it off): Children look at the above three principles at all, and they do not have the above three principles.Therefore, children watching TV often develop slowly.Due to the lack of the above three principles, children cannot get real-time feedback, and there is no way to cultivate children’s empathy between people, so they often give birth to bear children.
3.Results of effective communication
Parents and children talk about children with different ways to speak differently.Children with completely different ideas, behaviors, and abilities.
3.1 Language ability
Needless to say, this can be seen from the previous data that children of brain-working families often have greater vocabulary than children in other families and stronger language skills.
This is not to say that families with high degrees of education must be well educated, but referring to parents who pay attention to the cultivation of children will spend more time to live with their children, give more “effective companionships”, provide better “effective” effective “effective companionship”conversation”.
3.2 Self-control force
Everyone may have heard “Delayed satisfaction” This word, Baidu’s definition is: refers to a decision orientation that is willing to give up for the long-term result of more valuable long-term results, and the self-control ability displayed during the waiting period.
There is a very famous one “Stanford Marshmallow Experiment”, Experimental staff give the children two options.Children can choose the same reward (marshmallow, biscuits, chocolate, etc.), and immediately have it, or choose to wait until the experiment returns the room (usually 15 minutes) to get the same the sameTwo rewards.In later studies, researchers found that children who can adhere to the excess rewards usually have better life performance, such as better SAT scores, educational achievements, physical quality indexes, and other indicators.
So how to cultivate good self-control? This book gives its answer, depending on how parents communicate with their children.
- If the parents speak with the child in a command-type language, the child’s self-control will be weak;
- And if the parents speak with the children with suggestions and prompts, emphasize causality, children can learn how to control their lives and control their behavior.
Our Jayden’s self-control is not bad.It is said that the fun iPad is 15 minutes.When you arrive at the time, you must shut down the iPad by yourself.I used to think that he was like a mother, but later discovered that when our adults talked to him, most of them emphasized cause and effect, let him think, cultivate his own standards of regulating his own behavior, and control his life.
3.3 Method of Thinking
In the previous children’s education article, we talked about Growth thinking method This is compared to the fixed way of thinking:
- Growth thinking believes that human abilities and IQ are continuously improved and improved with effective practice, emphasizing “cooked coincidence”;
- The way of fixed thinking believes that human IQ is natural and unchanged.
Therefore, children with fixed thinking often blame themselves when they encounter difficulties, and children with growth thinking often actively find methods and strengthen practice when they encounter difficulties, because they know more about it.“100,000 hours” The truth.
How is the child’s way of thinking?This mainly depends on how parents communicate with their children.When you are at home, when you praise your child, I often emphasize “hard work” still exaggerate “smart”? What’s more?
3.4 Goodness and empathy
In the education in the United States, children are very emphasized Kindness (Kindness) and Empathy (Empathy) Cultivation.
How to make children have the right way of behavior, know how to care for others and have empathy?
In fact, these all come from the language guidance of parents.When regulating children’s behavior, Use more nouns, use less verb EssenceFor example, there are two groups of prohibited languages: the first group, don’t deceive people (verbs), the second group, don’t be a scammer (noun); another example, the first group, can you help me?In the second group, can you be my helper (noun).
It can be found that the second group is more effective than the first group.Through the guidance of parents’ language, children will quickly establish moral standards.
4.Write at the end
The best time for children to educate is young.
When the child is young and obedient, get along with the child, give effective companionship, perform effective dialogue, help children handle the correct and positive outlook on life and values when they are young, develop an optimistic and positive way of thinking, and form formedThinking habits.
After the children are older, they can take their own life.Finally, attach the cover and link of the original English book of “Thirty Million Words”.
